50 Chick-Flicks to watch this summer!

Hi. Miss me?

No you didn’t. It’s been a week. You didn’t even remember.

I did remember though. You’re so lucky, you weird fuckers.

Kay. The list.

Warning: If you have testicles, please go away. You won’t like this. Unless you like it. Then you’ll like it. Did that make sense? No? Meh.

Moving on.

(This list is NOT in any particular order!)

(Also, as with last time, scroll to the bottom if you want the quick list)

1.   Christmassy mush:

Every truly good list of movies-for-girls needs chick-flicks. Like this is a given. We aren’t debating it. Here are some of my favorites (I pick favorites on the basis of how many tissues are used. The first one finished half a box, basically):

·    Miracle on 34^th Street, is a movie for everyone, and impossible to hate, because it literally proves the existence of Santa. In court. Color me fabulous.

·    Home Alone & Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, are by far, two of the cutest, most hilarious and generally awesome Christmas movies ever made. I mean, this kid:

Don’t you just wanna steal him away? I do. God. SO CUTE.

·    Rise of the Guardians, featuring Chris Pine, Alec Baldwin, Hugh Jackman and Isla Fisher, is fun, cute and has literally the most badass Easter Bunny you’ll ever see. Also the main character, Jack Frost has ice powers, and Else from Frozen has ice powers, so the Internet did this: (Jack Frost & Elsa)

I really just love the Internet sometimes.

2.   Makeover!!! :D

Everyone likes a good makeover. Everyone was a fairy godmother to find us, pay a shit ton of money and convert us into this:

Since that isn't happening anytime soon, we’re going to settle for these movies of kick-ass bitches who turn out to be hot, get the guy and take over the world. Presenting:

·    Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality and Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (the sequel does NOT suck, and Sandra Bullock is an undercover FBI agent who participates in the Miss World contest. Miss World. Oh yeah. This is the good stuff.)

·    Anne Hathaway in Princess Diaries and Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (this sequel doesn’t suck either, and it has Chris Pine, who looks edible. Edible, I swear.) See?

I promise, you will rewind and replay this scene until people think you’re crazy. Which I did. My mother hasn’t gotten over it. ._.

·    Julia Roberts as Pretty Woman is the single longest series of “aw” moments ever made – mentioned this in my last post already, so like if you haven’t read that already, go! (<shameless self-advertising) If you don’t believe me when I say Pretty Woman is practically legendary in its awesomeness, I don’t care, because Emma Watson does agree:

·    Hilary Duff in A  Cinderella Story is a Cinderella movie. With a really fucking hot Prince Charming. What more do you need?

Every time I look at this I’m like, “Oh pretty, pretty Chad Michael Murray. May I touch your face?”

3.   High School & College

Can there ever be enough of these? We’re the right age, the sexy, shirtless boys are the right age, and there’s enough necking to keep us happy even though we’re perpetually single – like me. All the time. I’ve given up.

ANYHOW:

·    Legally Blonde, in which we learn that Reese Witherspoon is not a (completely) annoying bitch we all want to smack, that she's smart enough to get into Harvard Law and that she has impeccable taste in men. Watch it for the girl power!

·     Mean Girls. Let’s face it – this is the anthem of the girl nation. This is LiLo’s legacy to us. This is us, in all our dirty, bitchy, horrid glory.

·    She’s The Man, because no matter how many crappy bathroom nudes Amanda Bynes posts on Instagram, I will love her forever, just for this. Won’t you?

·    Easy A, because Emma Stone is stunning and quirky and fun and dresses in trashy lingerie for the whole movie. And she does it with swag:

I love how the jock in the right totally looks like, “Dat ass tho.”

·    Bend it like Beckham, because Indian girls can be total fucking badasses too. And sometimes, we get the boy, not Keira Knightley. Watch this for INDIAN girl power!

4.   Movies I haven’t watched, (and will never watch) but apparently need to be included, so okay:

·    The Notebook (ugh)

·    The Fault in our Stars (I am a dedicated nerdfighter, and subscribe to nearly everything vlogbrothers do. But people die in this movie, and they don’t even get beheaded or mauled by dragons or burnt at stake. They just…. die.  What?)

·    Endless Love (2014), and the only possible encouragement to watch this movie would be Alex Pettyfer. More on him later.

·    Forgetting Sarah Marshall, warnings for Marshall from HIMYM’s dick. No, I’m not kidding. No he wasn’t even wearing a sock. Or so I’m told.

5.   Married Ever After!

·    Made of Honor, because best friends can fall in love too, right? And because Patrick Dempsey - Dr. McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy, remember? We don’t need no more reasons, people.

·    Bride Wars, because you watched Princess Diaries, and you’ve realized you always need more Anne Hathaway in your life. Also because every girl needs her BFF to get through minor life crises.

  

·    27 Dresses, if you liked the Ugly Truth, you’ll love this one, where Katherine Heigl is adorably romantic, been a bridesmaid for 27 weddings (hence the name), still single and faces the “ugly truth” again in the form of a sexily scruffy James Marsden.

There. I just gave you the scene of the movie you will fall in love with.

·    What Happens in Vegas is completely disgusting, but it has Ashton Kutcher so he makes it look cute, and it has Cameron Diaz, so she makes it look sexy, and that’s, yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Oh and they get drunk-married in Vegas. I didn’t mention that? Oops.

6.   And now, just a list of random, uncategorized chick-flicks:

·    The Devil wears Prada, mentioned in my last post, so like go read it, already!

·    Julie & Julia, not for the boys or the sexiness or the girl power, but because I finished watching this movie with a ridiculously huge smile, and we honestly need more movies like this. Also because Meryl Streep and Amy Adams are adorkable.

·    Freaky Friday, because back before Lindsay was getting high, and getting her pretty face fucked up, she actually made some pretty great movies. This was one. Watch it for the mom-daughter bonding mush.

·    Step Up, because Channing Tatum is one SEXY motherfucker. See?

But no other reasons, except incredibly cool choreo and sexy sweetness.

Also, if you’d like another dance movie, that actually manages to have a beautiful plot, check out Save the Last Dance, because ballet meets street once again, and does it gracefully, and without any glaring clichés.

·    Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, because it’s funny and sexy and cute and if you tell me you aren’t half in love with Matthew McConaughey, you’re obviously in denial, and I don’t believe you for a second.

·    Pursuit of Happyness, and this isn’t even a chick-flick! Just that Will and Jaden Smith are by far the cutest father-son on-screen duo. Also because I cried fucking bucketloads.

LOOK. SEE. WERE YOU EVER THIS CUTE? NO.

·    The Lake House, featuring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves is the single most angsty, super-emotional heart-breakingly wonderful movie ever and please keep several tissue boxes at hand, okay?

·    Just Like Heaven, proves yet again that we shouldn’t smack Reese Witherspoon, and actually ought to be mostly in love with her, because this movie will slowly break your heart and then put it back together because Mark Ruffalo. So cute.

(My sentences aren’t even sentences. My English teachers would be so disappointed.)(Basically, Mark Ruffalo falls in love with the spirit of the girl haunting his apartment. AND IT SO CUTE YOU GON’ DIE.)

·    Beastly, and I know this movie was just one messy, monstrous cliché, (see what I did there?) but they made Beauty and the Beast into a movie and made Alex Pettyfer shirtless for large parts of it. What’s not to like?

And if you’re like, “Alex who?”, then Alex this:

I am a kind and giving Goddess.

Worship me.

…me and Alex Pettyfer abs. Possibly doing fun things together. *sigh

·    Definitely, Maybe, because in the competition of awesome movie dads, Ryan Reynolds comes up pretty high. Also because Abigail Breslin is precocious (which is a nice way of saying total smartass)

Also because Ryan knows exactly how falling in love is done. And he does it well.

·    The Proposal, because see how I just said Ryan knows how to fall in love? I meant it.

Also Sandra Bullock in The Proposal is everything I’ll probably be in 10 years, and I’d like to get a Ryan Reynolds too, thanks.

·    Okay you guys. Here’s the thing. While other people are like, "Jennifer Lawrence! Megan Fox! Jennifer Aniston even!", I have old-school crushes. I love Audrey Hepburn and Julia Roberts, and yes, even Angelina Jolie.

So these are Julia’s bests:

    o  My Best Friend’s Wedding

    o  Runaway Bride, with Richard Gere (the same guy from Pretty Woman)(they’re lucky for each other)(THEY LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER GOD)

    o  Notting Hill, with Hugh Grant (British men are the best, okay? No competition.)

·    Two Weeks Notice, because once you watch Notting Hill and The Proposal you need Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock and OH LOOK! They’re in this completely fabulous movie TOGETHER! WATCH IT!

·    The Ugly Truth, because most men are assholes, and this is the ultimate guide to (most) men. And it works. Honest.

Also, because Katherine Heigl is ridiculously cute and Gerard Butler is the sexiest beast to walk this planet.

·    He’s Just Not That Into You, because, you know, there’s a shit ton of sappy, cheesy mush in this list, but sometimes, sometimes your crush being a dick is not because he ‘secretly’ likes you. Sometimes, he’s just not that into you. Worth the watch, even if you only watch it for a half-naked Bradley Cooper.

·    Life as we Know It, featuring the incredibly delicious Josh Duhamel, opposite, yes, again, Katherine Heigl, has really cute kids! And Notebook-level angst! And two incredibly hot people who fall in love and it’s fabulous, okay?

Also, We Both Know by Gavin DeGraw and Colbie Caillat features in the soundtrack and if you wanna check out a beautiful dreamix version, click here!

And if you’re wondering who Josh Duhamel is, here, I’ll be nice to you:

·    Confessions of a Shopaholic, is basically the story of a really well-dressed girl who couldn’t afford to be that well-dressed and somewhere along the way met a hot British guy, and they fell in love. I don’t care much about that part.

What I care about is this:

I shit you not, I would kill baby animals to have her wardrobe.

·    Pride and Prejudice, because KEIRA KNIGHTLEY.

I didn’t need any other reasons.

She’s funny, and spunky and kind of a spaz and Mr. Darcy is dreamy, and everything about the movie is just heart-wrenchingly pretty and English and it’s just really fun to watch.

·    Friends with Benefits, features Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. You see the title? Yeah, that’s pretty much self-explanatory, right? Good. Now stare at them:

Now go watch the movie. Go armed with Kleenex.

·    I’ve reviewed two Channing Tatum movies so far – GI Joe and Step Up, and I frankly admit, those two are purely to stare at him move.

This one isn’t.

I’ve watched The Vow four times so far and I’ve realized, if Nicholas Sparks wrote it, and Channing Tatum acted in it, it’s bound to be beyond perfect.

The Vow will destroy your heart, and you won’t mind anyway.

Oh, and watch Dear John too. I haven’t watched it, but I’ve heard some very good things about it.

·    (500) Days of Summer, is the single greatest example of beautiful, sensible, honest filmmaking I have ever come across. Featuring Joseph Gordon-Levitt (inception, The Lookout, 10 things I hate about you) and Zooey Deschanel, nominated for Golden Globes for Best Picture and Best Actor, 500 is the kind of story that actually happens to people like you and me.

Where you fall in love and then sometimes you fall OUT of love, and most movies don’t have the guts to show that love doesn’t always work out.

Watch 500, because when you have your next break up, you’ll (maybe) know how to deal a little better.

·    The funny thing about Serendipity is that, with Jack Cusack and (pre-Underworld) Kate Beckinsale, it hasn’t got any hot people, it’s hardly new, they barely meet for half the movie, but I still love it.

It’s got… Oh I don’t know, a kind of old-school perfection about it? It’s tugs at all the right heartstrings and if I am going to wrap up this list, I can’t think of a perfect-er way to do it.

Here’s the quick list:

1.   Miracle on 34^th street

2.   Home alone

3.   Home alone 2: Lost in new york

4.   Rise of the guardians

5.   Miss congeniality

6.   Miss congeniality 2: armed and fabulous

7.   Princess diaries

8.   Princess diaries 2:royal engagement

9.   Pretty woman

10.          A Cinderella story

11.          Legally blonde

12.          Mean girls

13.          She’s the man

14.          Easy a

15.          Bend it like Beckham

16.          The notebook

17.          The fault in our stars

18.          Endless love

19.          The devil wears Prada

20.          Made of honor

21.          Bride wars

22.          Julie and Julia

23.          Freaky Friday

24.          Step up

25.          Ghosts of girlfriends past

26.          Pursuit of Happyness

27.          The lake house

28.          Just like heaven

29.          Beastly

30.          Definitely, maybe

31.          The proposal

32.          My best friend’s wedding

33.          Runaway bride

34.          Notting hill

35.          Two weeks notice

36.          The ugly truth

37.          He's Just not that into you

38.          Confessions of a shopaholic

39.          Life as we know it

40.          27 dresses

41.          Serendipity

42.          Pride and prejudice

43.          Friends with benefits

44.          What happens in Vegas

45.          The vow

46.          Dear john

47.          PS I love you

48.          Forgetting Sarah Marshall

49.          500 days of summer

50.          Save the last dance

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Check in next week for a how-to guide on the easiest way to write a completely bullshit, but impressive, summer book review!