I hate feminists.
Yes, I'm a woman.
Yes, I realize this is somewhat hypocritical.
Do I give a fuck? Um, NO.
Cause I feminists piss me the fuck off.
I don't get the whole liberalization thing. I mean, yes, I'm glad women can vote and own property and drive cars ...in most parts of the world anyway. I'm all for that. Go suffrage! Women in the army! Whoop di doo!
The rebels, the ones who dare, who choose their causes and who fight for women's rights - those feminists I can appreciate, I can admire, I can aspire to.
Then there's the other kind - the "we're-feminists-when-it's-convenient" kind. They're the kind who really need to pull the giant stick out of theirs and stop bitching about how terrible men are.
You will meet this kind of girl, boys, and eventually you'll go bald from pulling your hair out a little too often. Don't fucking whine when it happens. Don't tell anyone you didn't have warning. Because this girl, this conveniently feminist chick, she's testing you. All the time.
Don't fall for it. Especially when, after a dinner date, she says we'll split the bill. Pay half and half each. Minefield, right there. She doesn't wanna pay the bill. She doesn't want to show you her wallet. Ever. Period.
She's testing you. This would be the right time you insist that Father taught you a "man" always picks up the tab. That may just end up being the sum total of your function in the relationship. Paying the bill. Also, carrying the bags, opening the door, and saying please, thank you and, most importantly, sorry. Sorry will happen pretty fucking often.
The Indian feminist is occasionally even more annoying, because we have so much more to rebel against. Seriously. We've got arranged marriages. Sex before marriage. Kids before marriage. Divorce. Being a single parent. Being unmarried. Oh the horror of being unmarried.
Yeesh. You'd think we'd leaked nuclear codes the way adults fret about it.
Being a feminist is right, but only when it's called for (and this is the lesson that a lot of women seem to forget when attending empowerment seminars).
Getting married instead of getting a job is not anti-feminist.
Adjusting your habits for the men in your life is not anti-feminist.
Being a girl, and I mean a I-kinda-really-like-pink, I-fucking-love-ball gowns, I-wanna-get-my-nails-done kind of girl is not anti-feminist.
Dammit, I don't get it. What is wrong with the women of this generation? Being a girl is okay!
Being shallow and silly and gay is alright! Just as much as you're allowed to put all of that on a back burner, dedicate yourself to your job and become a CEO in a Fortune 500 company.
Being a girly-girl is okay!
You don't need to be insecure about shit like that! What you need to get insecure about it ridiculing others for the choices they make. We're allowed to make choices. We're allowed to be what we want. If that's being a tomboy or fucking Nicki Minaj, it's UP TO US. And no one, I mean NO ONE, has the right to ridicule that.
You think being a mom, a daughter, a sister, a wife is not a full-time job?
You think the only measure of your success is your degree, you job title, your club memberships?
You're wrong.
If you think your mother has ever had it "easy", handling your incessant demands, you have WAY too fucking big of an ego and I ain't even talking to you anymore, lady. Fuck off.
I know the name Rose Kennedy. She was a mother.
I know the name Eleanor Roosevelt. She was a wife.
I know the name Priyanka Gandhi. She is a daughter.
I know these names and I respect these women. These women had great men in their lives. They stood by them. They could have achieved greatness in their own right. They could have been corporate leaders like Indira Nooyi and Christine Lagarde. They could have been politicians like Hillary Clinton and Condolezza Rice and Sonia Gandhi. They could have owned that blinding white spotlight.
They didn't though. They made a choice. To be mothers. Wives. Sisters. Daughters.
To shape a new generation of leaders and writers and businessmen and soldiers. To keep the house warm and the meals hot. To be that ready, willing shoulder for you to lean on every time you needed them.
And I respect them.
I respect them too.
