Saturday 19 July 2014

YA Fiction: The Good, the Bad and the Dirty


Okay, before moving forward, we need to establish something. I don't like female protagonists. Because, as far as I've read - and that's saying something -  there is one thing and only one thing  female protagonists care about:

Luuuuuurrrrve.

Fuck you.

I hate how authors today have just taken strong, independent, brilliant women and made all their life "decisions" and "sacrifices" hinge around the men in their life. It's revolting and debasing and does not accurately show what women deal with in the actual world. You don't believe me, do you? Fine.

I hope this helps: 



(we exclude Hermione here. Hermione Granger FTW.)
Without doubt, one of the most empowering videos I have seen in a long, long time.

So, coming back to the topic at hand, this is a (really fucking long) list of fantasy novels with a female lead:
  • Twilight Saga (gah. Barf. Why.) (vampire/werewolf fantasy)
  • The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins (dystopia)
  • Divergent Series by Veronica Roth (dystopia)
(featuring the classic "supposedly bad-ass chick" who has the classic two boys who're desperately in love with her and then she overthrows the evil, cruel, dystopian government and becomes a national hero blah-blah-fucking-blah. Basically Hunger Games all over again.)
  • The Mortal Instruments Series by Cassandra Clare (fallen angel fantasy)
(same ish all over again, so don't say I didn't warn you. Still, it's massively popular so....)
  • Graceling by Kristin Cashore (medieval fantasy)
(this isn't my recommendation, because apparently, according to Kristin Cashore, the only way a girl can be cool and awesome, is basically by being a guy - go karate on others' asses and not care about what they wear. Okay. Really popular though.)
  • Uglies Series by Scott Westerfeld (post-apocalyptic dystopia)
Officially classified as "science-fiction" but God, what a fucking insult. This is dystopian literature. Deal with it.
  • Evermore (The Immortals #1) by Alyson Noel (fantasy)
Rated pretty cool, but then again, I read it in the ninth grade (I think). No vampires here, praise the Lord.
  • Dark Angels Series by Keri Arthur (fantasy)
Okay, so this one is actually seriously fucking cool, the lead kicks major ass, is sassy and snarky and leather-jacketed AND, as a fun bonus, hot sex. I'd recommend this, but only to the girls.
  • Matched Trilogy by Allie Condie (dystopia)
(again, not my recommendation, but incredibly popular with the Hunger Games fandom, so if you liked that, this is for you. I personally find nothing compelling about evil governments and being torn between two boys but whatever floats your boat, brother.)
  • Fallen Series by Lauren Kate (fallen angel fantasy)
OHMYGOD SO INDESCRIBABLY GAY, but if you liked Twilight, you'll honestly like this. No sarcasm, I swear. I've read book reviews, and this is actually an informed opinion - this series is for the Twihards.
  • Marked (House of Night #1) by P. C. and Kristin Cast (vampire fantasy)
Confession time: I liked this series. read the first three parts in the ninth grade and like, really enjoyed it. So sue me, dude. Shit happens.
Okay can't think of any more right now. Next.


Teenage Spies/Criminals/Heroes
In which they KICK. MAJOR. ASS.

Okay so this is a list of books I actually loved.

I would include Artemis Fowl here, but that's already done in my previous list (click to go to: 50 Fantasy Novels (of the non-bloodsucking variety) so this is the list:


Alex Rider Series by Anthony Horowitz
This is basically James Bond when he was fourteen. Only... better. Much better. In #3 the evil nemesis gets his ass kicked in outer space. Outer space, I shit you not. Suck on that, Daniel Craig.



 Heist Society by Ally Carter
You know Ocean's Eleven? Okay, now what if we got a bunch of fifteen year olds to break into some of the world's most secure facilities? You like what's happening here? Yeah? GO READ THIS.

(I love this picture just because it's so good to see books that are read and re-read and loved)

 Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
The movie was such an epic fail, but the book actually honestly fucked with my head so well I read it four times. Yes, it was that good. Yes, you should really stop reading this and actually read the book. GO.

Animorphs Series by K.A. Applegate

HOLY CRAP.
So aliens grant a group of kids the ability to morph into any animal at will so they may battle the infestation of a mind-controlling alien species that has invaded Earth, and is taking over the minds of adults across the globe.

Awesomeness abounds.

Also, before you read that, read the prequel, which is, quite frankly, my Bible. I'm not being hyperbolic here - The Ellimist Chronicles is the be-all and and-all of fiction writing.

Gone Series by Michael Grant
When all those above the age of 15 disappear and an invisible barrier descends around the town of Perdido Beach, the children must deal with jungle rule, death, limited food, no hospitals or firefighters, and a possibly unstable nuclear reactor, all by themselves.

"Gone" was one of the best, most compelling reads of 2013 for me.

Gallagher Girls Series by Ally Carter
I love Ally to the death okay? I know I'm too old to read her books - which are specifically aimed at a 12-16 female demographic, but I stopped reading that stuff when I was 8. But I don't care because Ally wrote a series of books about a boarding school for female spies. I KNOW RIGHT? It is, as you can imagine, all kinds of fabulous.

Perfect Cover (The Squad #1) by Jennifer Lynn Barnes
In a high school, who are the most athletic, most perfectly-fake and best at keeping secrets?
Cheerleaders.

So naturally, they become spies.
Only they become spies in high school.
With a secret underground spy lair.

Far-fetched? Try the book:
"If you'd told me at the beginning of sophomore year that I was going to end up a government operative, I would have thought you were crazy, but if you'd told me I was destined to become a cheerleader, I would have had you committed, no questions asked. At that point in time, there were three things in life that I knew for certain: 1) I was a girl who'd never met a site she couldn't hack or a code she couldn't break, 2) I had a roundhouse that could put a grown man in the hospital, and 3) I would without question chop off my own hands before I'd come within five feet of a pom-pom."

Again with the whole tom-boy shit (it's been done to death, I swear) but the characters besides the main character make it a pretty fun read.

Teen Romance
Sometimes I'm just disgustingly girly. This is one of those times. Prepare to be smothered by extreme adorableness.


  • Boyfriend by Molly Raesly 
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5548168/1/Boyfriend  
*CUTEST STORY EVER* *just sayin* *you're welcome*
  • The Bracelet by AkashaTheKitty 
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3932315/1/The-Bracelet 
*SEXSEXSEX* *squeeeeee* *in my happy place*
  • Silencio by AkashaTheKitty
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3732710/1/Silencio 
*moreSEXmoreSEXmoreSEX*
  • Adorkable by Sarra Manning (okay so this is a real book, not fanfiction)
  • Kody Keplinger is a 19-year old published author, and she is frickin' fabulous. Check out The D.U.F.F. and Shut Out.
Okay, so there's more icky romance coming your way in the next post, because yeah, I read way too much of this shit. But these are the fanfictions, and can i be honest? Fanfiction is usually better than books.

Badass action/adventure links were posted in my previous post, so reading that should work well for you. 

Kay, summary time:
  1. Twilight: Twilight
  2. Twilight: New Moon
  3. Twilight: Eclipse
  4. Twilight: Breaking Dawn
  5. Hunger Games: Hunger Games
  6. Hunger Games: Catching Fire
  7. Hunger Games: Mockingbird (basically skimmed this one, not actually sure what happened here)
  8. Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
  9. Mortal Instruments: City of Ashes
  10. Mortal Instruments: City of Glass (didn't read parts 4, 5 and 6 *Yawn*)
  11. Divergent: Divergent
  12. Divergent: Insurgent (read this one half-way, the similarity to Hunger Games began to irritate the crap outta me so.... yeah.)
  13. Graceling
  14. Uglies: Uglies
  15. Uglies: Pretties
  16. Uglies: Specials (I still can't believe I managed to finish this series. But yeah, Westerfeld keeps things interesting, at least.)
  17. The Immortals: Evermore
  18. The Immortals: Blue Moon (four more parts in this series but really, who has the patience for that?)
  19. Matched Trilogy: Matched
  20. Matched Trilogy: Crossed (barely made it through the first, labored through a bit of the second, you really think I'd subject myself to the third?)
  21. Fallen (when I found out there were three more parts to this series, I nearly broke myself laughing, because what?! )
  22. House of Night: Marked
  23. House of Night: Betrayed
  24. House of Night: Chosen (I was 13 okay? I liked it. Gah. How embarassing.)
  25. Alex Rider: Stormbreaker
  26. Alex Rider: Point Blanc
  27. Alex Rider: Skeleton Key
  28. Alex Rider: Eagle Strike
  29. Alex Rider: Scorpia (there are 9 parts. I haven't read the rest, but believe me, I'm gonna get to them as soon as I'm done with everything I'm reading right now. Bloody brilliant.)
  30. Heist Society: Heist Society
  31. Heist Society: Uncommon Criminals (can't wait to get to part 3!!!)
  32. Ender's Game: Ender's Game
  33. Ender's Game: Speaker for the Dead (so it kinda drags after part 1, but really the first part is so so good, it makes up for it.)
  34. Animorphs (there are 54 books in this series, and even I dont know which ones I've read so excuse me for not bothering to find out)
  35. Animorphs Prequel: The Ellimist Chronicles
  36. Gone: Gone
  37. Gone: Hunger (four more books, gonna get to them as soon as I can. Hands-down one of the best series of the decade)
  38. Gallagher Girls: I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have To Kill You
  39. Gallagher Girls: Cross My Heart and Hope To Spy
  40. Gallagher Girls: Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover (so the series drags after the first three parts, so what?)
  41. The Squad: Perfect Cover
  42. The Squad: Killer Spirit
  43. Boyfriend
  44. The Bracelet
  45. Have You Ever
  46. Just a Harmless Joke
  47. Silencio
  48. The Life and Times
  49. Tropic of Virgo
  50. The Education of Professor Cullen
  51. Adorkable
  52. The D.U.F.F.
  53. Shut Out
  54. And Nothing is Gained by Not Gathering Roses
  55. The Greatest of Fools
Hope that was useful! 
Don't forget to google+ and add me to your circle!

Thanks for reading.
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Wednesday 16 July 2014

50 Fantasy Novels (of the non-bloodsucking variety)

So originally this was supposed to be a general non-genre-specific list. Then I realized I read way too freaking much to fit all that in one list, so I've split it into a bunch of separate lists.

And naturally, since I've been a nerd for as long as possible it is to be a nerd, I'm starting off with fantasy. 

If you liked Harry Potter and A Song of Ice and Fire, you'll thank me for this. So you're welcome, in advance. 
Also, you're allowed to buy me cupcakes. Nothing says, "You're my new goddess and I worship you" like a nice red velvet cupcake.

1.  Children/YA Fantasy:
There is a difference okay? There is a huge fucking difference between what kids should be reading and Game of Thrones. Call me conservative, but I would be massively uncomfortable with 12 year olds reading about Jaime/Cersei's incestuous f***kfest.

So this is for the 8-14 crowd, but if I'm going to honest, I read them too so.... Yeah, whatever:

  • The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis 
I've heard people say Harry Potter was their childhood, but Narnia - and not the movies - NARNIA has always defined growing up for me.
  • His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman
  • Percy Jackson Series by Rick Riordan - Warning, part 2 sucks ass, but otherwise, hell yeah, who doesn't like Greek heroes going to battle in the 21st century?
Also, Riordan converts the 'Pen is mightier than the sword' to amusing (literal) effect. *coughRiptidecough*
  • Artemis Fowl Series by Eoin Colfer 
Warning for slight suckiness in parts 3 and 4, but otherwise, there are battle recon teams of leprechauns, and a foul-mouthed centaur who happens to be a computer geek. Oh and Artemis Fowl, the protagonist? Evil boy genius turned heroic boy genius.
  • A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula LeGuin 
This is actually Part 1 in the Earthsea saga, but I've only finished this one and I'm currently reading Part 2: Tombs of Atuan, which is awesome but not as awesome, and I really was hoping for better.
  • The Heroes of Olympus Series, again by Rick Riordan,
And HOLY SHIT PEOPLE, this is better than Percy Jackson! Still, you need to read Percy Jackson to know what's happening here, so go buy/download your copy already.
  • The Kane Chronicles, yes Rick Riordan. AGAIN.
I can't get enough of Riordan, I'm afraid. He took up Egyptian mythology in this series, and if you enjoyed running with the Greeks and the Romans, you'll like this too.
  • The Fire Thief trilogy by Terry Deary for sheer, epic snarky awesomeness. Also because Prometheus is the hero and how often does that happen in Greek mythology?
  • The Inheritance Saga (Eragon) by Christopher Paolini
Because hello? DRAGONS.
Of the seriously, epicly cool/wise/sarcastic/funny variety, as opposed to the boring-as-all-hell versions Daenerys Targaryen has. 
  • Dragonriders of Pern by Anne McCaffrey
It is known fact amongst the fantasy fiction community that Eragon is a thrilling mashup of Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and Dragonriders of Pern. And Pern, by far, is the most fun to read. Why? DRAGONS.
Haven't you been paying attention? Also interplanetary war and alien invasions and all that jazz. Like it? Read it.

2.  YA/Adult Fantasy:
When I say fantasy, I mean of the Dragons and Dungeons variety okay?
NO!
NOT that kind of dungeon! I mean the kind where you're chained and bleeding and starve to death! NOT the sexy-fun kind, with a half-naked Ian Somerhalder.

My God. Y'all read way too much 50 Shades.
....or maybe that's just me.
  • HARRY POTTER.
'Nuff said.
Seriously, how else did you think I'd start this list?
  • A Song of Ice and Fire, by George R. R. Martin
  • The Denarian Renegade (The Denarian Trilogy #1) by shezza88
LOL, you thought this list was just books? NO. There's fanfiction too.
And the fanfiction's better than the actual Harry Potter books. Link here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3473224/1/The-Denarian-Renegade
  • Harry Potter and the Wastelands of Time (Wastelands Trilogy #1) by joe6991
Summary on fanfiction.net:
"Take a deep breath, count back from ten… and above all else – don't worry! It'll all be over soon.
The world, that is.
Yet for Harry Potter the end is just the beginning. Enemies close in on all sides, and Harry faces his greatest challenge of all - Time."
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4068153/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Wastelands-of-Time
  • Fate's Favourite by The Fictionist
THE SINGLE GREATEST TIME TRAVEL STORY YOU WILL EVER READ. EVER.
And that's saying something because Wastelands of Time, is, as the name suggests, a time travel story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5725656/1/Fate-s-Favourite
Okay. You're welcome. You may grovel.
  • Tied for Last by Speechwriter
There are no words.
I don't have, literally, the right words to describe how important this story is to me.
So I can't tell you, and I apologize for that, but I'm putting a little bit of soul out there, for you, to tell you, that this story will irrevocably change you.

Perhaps not for the better.
But I hope you read it anyway:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6031176/1/Tied-for-Last
  • The First Law Trilogy by Joe Abercrombie
You know how nearly everyone in Game of Thrones is kind of an asshole?
EVERYONE in The First Law is an asshole.

But they're badass, hardcore assholes. That makes up, right?
PS. Joe Abercrombie used to be joe6991. That says something about why you should really be reading Wastelands of Time, link above.
  • Angelology by Danielle Trussoni (Part 2, Angelopolis has been released, but only in the US or something, and my heart is officially shattered.)
  • The Dark Tower Series, by Stephen King (I bought these in the eighth grade and was so horrifically scarred, I couldn't read beyond Part 2. Still now that I'm older and wiser and in love with Cersei Lannister, might be time to revisit.)
So, in summary, here's what I recommend:
  1. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe 
  2. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: The Return to Narnia
  3. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of The Dawn Treader
  4. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair
  5. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle
  6. His Dark Materials: Northern Lights 
  7. His Dark Materials: The Subtle Knife
  8. His Dark Materials: The Amber Spyglass
  9. Inheritance Saga: Eragon
  10. Inheritance Saga: Eldest
  11. Inheritance Saga: Brisingr
  12. Inheritance Saga: Inheritance
  13. DragonRiders of Pern: Dragonflight
  14. DragonRiders of Pern: Dragonquest
  15. DragonRiders of Pern: Dragonsong
  16. Artemis Fowl
  17. Artemis Fowl: The Artic Incident
  18. Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code
  19. Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex
  20. Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
  21. Percy Jackson and the Titan's Curse
  22. Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrinth
  23. Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero
  24. Heroes of Olympus: The Son of Neptune
  25. Heroes of Olympus: The Mark of Athena
  26. The Kane Chronicles: Red Pyramid
  27. The Kane Chronicles: Throne of Fire
  28. A Wizard of Earthsea
  29. The Tombs of Atuan
  30. Fire Thief Trilogy: The Fire Thief
  31. Fire Thief Trilogy: Flight of the Fire Thief
  32. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
  33. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
  34. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
  35. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
  36. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (skipped OoTP on purpose. Why? Cause it sucked is why.)(also, skipped DH, because let's face it, the only reason to read it would be to find out how it all ended. The actual book was terrible.)
  37. A Song of Ice and Fire: A Game of Thrones
  38. A Song of Ice and Fire: A Clash of Kings
  39. A Song of Ice and Fire: A Storm of Swords (these are the only books I've actually read. While I'm sure the rest are equally brilliant, including them here would be cheating so...)
  40. Denarian Saga: The Denarian Renegade
  41. Denarian Saga: The Denarian Knight
  42. Denarian Saga: The Denarian Lord (there are two more parts to this series, and just as popular, but again, I haven't read them myself. Apologies.)
  43. Harry Potter and the Wastelands of Time
  44. Harry Potter and the Heartlands of Time
  45. Fate's Favourite
  46. Tied for Last
  47. The First Law: The Blade Itself (this is a trilogy, but I'm actually reading TBI right now, so I can hardly provide an opinion about the rest of the series)
  48. Angelology
  49. The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger
  50. The Dark Tower: The Naming of the Three

So that's that. 50 stories, and I'm sure you've read half of them, and bitching about how utterly useless this list was to you, but whatever okay?

Also, a heart-breakingly wonderful bonus for all Potterheads reading this:

Cauterize by Lady Altair
""Of course it's missing something vital. That's the point." Dennis Creevey takes up his brother's camera after the war."

Snapshots from after the war, of loss and pain and recovery, and of death.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4152700/1/Cauterize

Thank you for reading, and don't forget to google+ and add me to your google circle, if you enjoyed reading this and want updates on next post!

Next week, YA fiction: The Good, The Bad and The Dirty




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