47 Perfectly Normal Thoughts I had while Losing My KUTWK Virginity

1. UHHH so Scott and Kourtney used to be married??? I feel so out of the loop this is sad.
2. Khloe is such an absolute bitch to Kris. And Kris is like, "I wanna sew up my vagina", and this is most mom thing I have ever heard no joke.
3. Kris and Kim are casually discussing sex dolls, poolside. I am literally so fucking blown right now. Uh.
4. Kris just said she’s “allergic” to bees? I did not know this was a thing.
5. Kim is giving young women advice for their future. Her advice is to 'have drive'? I. I. Okay.
6. Caitlyn is trying to convince Kim to make an appearance at her award show and this whole show is awkward. KIM PLS STOP BEING SO DIPLOMATIC AND SENSIBLE THIS IS NOT WHAT I PAID FOR.
7. Why does Kim blink sooooooo sloooooowly.
8. Apparently getting a shitty Etsy signboard that says “That was then; This is now,” will BLOW KRIS WAAAAY THE FUCK AWAY.
9. Kris is dating a younger man. Khloe is happy 'Stella got her groove back.' 
10. Khloe explains to her mother why her mother’s younger boyfriend has asked her to go island weekend holidaying. “It’s called intercourse, mom.” REVELATIONS ALL AROUND FOLKS.
11. FYI the word 'fuckfest' may have been used.
12. Good times, good times.
13. Kourtney is realest, sweetest, nicest person ever. She did not nothing to deserve this insanity. God.
14. Kris is fake-crying without smudging her mascara DID SHE PREP FOR THIS SPONTANEOUS EMOTIONAL MOMENT WITH WATERPROOF MASCARA? OH MY GOD KRIS TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.
15. *adds waterproof mascara to grocery list*
16. Kourtney, post-Disick-moving-out: Now I have a huge closet, guys. The closet is NUMBER ONE. *bows to the kween*
17. The Kardashians are unnaturally obsessed with bellybuttons it is the THIRD TIME THEY HAVE MENTIONED IT IN LESS THAN FIFTEEN MINUTES. WHAT EVEN.
18. *examines own bellybutton with great dread*
19. Oh god I have a terrible bellybutton what the actual bye.
20. Khloe just used the word dysmorphia correctly. Mind = blown.
21. Kendall looks so early '00s Kate Moss and I have never been more nostalgically happy.
22. Kim is eating as much in one meal as as I eat in an entire day this is giving me so much hope guys. *hunts down family size pack of doritos* *EATS*
23. THEIR CLOSET IS THE SIZE OF MY ROOM
24. THEIR CLOSET IS BIGGER THAN MY ROOM
25. I have such a complex now.
26. Kim is like the Steve Jobs in this biz in the sense that. IDK. IDK in what sense. I have no actual living neurons anymore.
27. Kourtney just found out that people are saying she should be on the bachelorette. FYI I would be SO DOWN FOR THAT. TAKE THE HINT, NETWORKS. FUCKING TAKE IT.
28. Kris’ boyfriend is aggressively battling a bee. A honeybee. Bye bye.
29. Someone just legitimately said, "Wanna take a selfie? That's the best part of life." THEY SAID IT UNIRONICALLY. OKAY.
30. Kylie’s house is DREEEEAAAAAAAM
31. Kylie just changed three outfits and they probably each cost as much as my entire wardrobe so that’s. Fine.
32. KYLIE’S DOG SHAT ON HER COUCH. BALANCE HAS BEEN RESTORED TO THE UNIVERSE. #BLESS
33. Why is Kim so UPTIGHT. THIS WOMAN DAMN.
34. Kris Jenner is ridiculously well preserved
35. Khloe is pouting all over the place for her photoshoot and my sexuality has never felt more hetero.
36. Oh wait wait maybe I feel bi ag- NOPE. NOPE. WHY. NOPE. MY VAGINA IS SO SCARED.
37. Everyone on this show needs to find jesus, bye.
38. BABIES. BABIES. OH NO BABIES TOO CUTE  TO HANDLE. OH NOOOOooooooo.
39. I have never seen so many make up brushes. I truly feel so illiterate. I can never go to LA.
40. Kylie has makeup on hER HANDS. ON HER HANDS. 
41. LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK OF NOW IS KHLOE'S NIPPLES. 
42. THAT IS ALL. DONE-ZO.
43. Caitlyn is crying on stage and accepting her award and I am crYING WITH HER. YOU GO GIRL. YOU GET IT.
44. Kylie honestly looks magical and i am v annoyed by this. V ANNOYYED, FRIENDS.
45. Kim looks like she’d rather be LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE.
46. Kim looks ready for this day to be HELLA FUCKIN OVER. Same, Kim. Same.
47. OOOOOOHHHHHHH NOOOOOORTHHH